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| bittersweet day |
| Written by Mary Beth |
| Sunday, May 30, 2010 |
|
Ten years ago today my eldest daughter made her debut. I was going say "grand entrance" but then I realized I don't really know if it was "grand" or not. I don't know if it was an easy delivery or difficult. But someone else does. And I mourn for her. Actually, I don't know what I was doing on this day 10 years ago (except fostering an 8 month old girl). I was definitely clueless that in three days I would have a beautiful black-haired smiley black-eyed baby girl enter my life. My precious gift from God turns ten today. I got to celebrate with her, along with the rest of our lil' family, extended family, and friends, at her birthday party yesterday. Today, I get to watch her delighted face and sparkling eyes as she opens the gifts her daddy and I got her. We know what she likes. Someone else does not. And I mourn for her. I have an ache in the depths of my innermost being (and until now I don't know if I've ever felt that depth before). I feel as though I might burst into uncontrollable sobs due to an unexplainable loss. But it is not mine. It is my daughter's birth mother. The woman who carried my daughter in her womb and birthed her. I've tried writing this next sentence several times but words fail me. Deep, anguishing loss is what I feel right now. How is she feeling right now? Oh, how I mourn for her. And, yet, I am so thankful to the Lord for giving us our eldest daughter. What a precious gift indeed. I, absolutely, cannot even begin to imagine our lives without her. Again, I'm speechless. The Lord has greatly blessed our family with her as a member and I pray that she will know and embrace that truth all of her days. Bittersweet day, indeed. -mb |
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